Acme::Bushisms - Dubya Does Perl

Acme-Bushisms documentation Contained in the Acme-Bushisms distribution.

Index

Code Index:

NAME

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Acme::Bushisms - Dubya Does Perl

SYNOPSIS

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	use Acme::Bushisms;

	print "Hello world";

DESCRIPTION

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The first time you run a program under use Acme::Bushisms, the module removes all the unsightly printable, democrat, and liberal characters from your source file. The code continues to work exactly as it did before, but now it contains Bush speak:

      	use Acme::Bushisms;

	"Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream."
	--George W Bush, LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000

NOTES

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The Bushisms are random quotes from the Complete Bushisms Website by Jacob Weisberg on Slate. The address is http://slate.msn.com/id/76886 If this page is unreachable, then a default Bushism is used.

AUTHOR

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Mike Accardo <mikeaccardo@yahoo.com>

COPYRIGHT

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   Copyright (c) 2003, Mike Accardo. All Rights Reserved.
 This module is free software. It may be used, redistributed
and/or modified under the terms of the Perl Artistic License
Acme-Bushisms documentation Contained in the Acme-Bushisms distribution. 
package Acme::Bushisms;
$VERSION = '0.02';
$arab = " \t"x8;
sub invade { local $_ = unpack "b*", pop; tr/01/ \t/; s/(.{9})/$1\n/g; $arab.$_ }
sub leave  { local $_ = pop; s/^$arab|[^ \t]//g; tr/ \t/01/; pack "b*", $_ }
sub oil    { $_[0] =~ /\S/ }
sub drill  { $_[0] =~ /^$arab/ }

open 0 or print "Can't open '$0'\n" and exit;
$iraq = join "", <0>;
$iraq =~ s/.*^\s*use\s+Acme::Bushisms\s*;\n\n(?:.*?George.*?\n)?//sm;
local $SIG{__WARN__} = \&oil;
do {eval leave $iraq; exit} unless oil $iraq && not drill $iraq;

use LWP::Simple qw($ua get);
$ua ->timeout(10);
$lies = get("http://slate.msn.com/id/76886/");
if (not defined $lies) {
$dubya =<<EOF; 
"I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully."
--George W Bush, Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000
EOF
}
else {
($bush) = $lies =~ /(<\/p><p>.*?\".*<\/p><p>)/sm;
$bush =~ s/\(\s*thank.*?\)//ismg;
$bush =~ s/<\/?[^p][^>]+>//g;
$bush =~ s/\&\w+\;//g;
$bush =~ s/("--|("|'|\s)[^\w\s\r\"\.\']{3,3})/"\n--George W Bush, /ig;
$bush =~ s/[^\w\s\r\"\.\']{3,3}/--/g;
@quotes = $bush =~ /<p>+(\".*?)<p>+/smg;
$dubya = $quotes[rand @quotes];
$dubya = $dubya . "\n--George W Bush"
  unless ($dubya =~ /--George/);
}
$dubya =~ s/\s+$//;


open 0, ">$0" or print "Cannot invade '$0'\n" and exit;
print {0} "use Acme::Bushisms;\n\n$dubya\n", invade $iraq and exit;
__END__