Acme::LOLCAT - SPEEK LIEK A LOLCATZ

  use strict;
  use warnings;

  use Acme::LOLCAT;

  my $phrase = translate( "You too can speak like a lolcat!" );

  print $phrase;

  Output:

  YU 2 CAN SPEEK LIEK LOLCAT! KTHX.

  #!/usr/bin/perl

  use strict;
  use warnings;

  use CGI qw/:standard/;
  use Acme::LOLCAT;

  print header( -type => 'text/html'),
        translate( param( 'english' );

#!/usr/bin/perl

package Acme::LOLCAT;

use strict;
use warnings;

use 5.006001; # 'our' requires a "more recent" perl.

use Exporter;

our @ISA = qw/Exporter/;
our @EXPORT = qw/translate/;

our $VERSION = '0.0.5';

my %repl = (
   what     => [qw/wut whut/],   'you\b'   => [qw/yu yous yoo u/],
   cture    => 'kshur',          unless    => 'unles',
   'the\b'  => 'teh',            more      => 'moar',
   my       => [qw/muh mah/],    are       => [qw/r is ar/],
   eese     => 'eez',            ph        => 'f',
   'as\b'   => 'az',             seriously => 'srsly',
   'er\b'   => 'r',              sion      => 'shun',
   just     => 'jus',            'ose\b'   => 'oze',
   eady     => 'eddy',           'ome?\b'  => 'um',
   'of\b'   => [qw/of ov of/],   'uestion' => 'wesjun',
   want     => 'wants',          'ead\b'   => 'edd',
   ucke     => [qw/ukki ukke/],  sion      => 'shun',
   eak      => 'ekk',            age       => 'uj',
   like     => [qw/likes liek/], love      => [qw/loves lub lubs luv/],
   '\bis\b' => ['ar teh','ar'],  'nd\b'   => 'n',
   who      => 'hoo',            q(')      => q(),
   'ese\b'  => 'eez',            outh      => 'owf',
   scio     => 'shu',            esque     => 'esk',
   ture     => 'chur',           '\btoo?\b'=> [qw/to t 2 to t/],
   tious    => 'shus',           'sure\b'  => 'shur',
   'tty\b'  => 'tteh',           were      => 'was',
   'ok\b'   => [ qw/'k kay/ ],   '\ba\b'   => q(),
   ym       => 'im',             'thy\b'   => 'fee',
   '\wly\w' => 'li',             'que\w'   => 'kwe',
   oth      => 'udd',            ease      => 'eez',
   'ing\b'  => [qw/in ins ng ing/],
   'have'   => ['has', 'hav', 'haz a'],
   your     => [ qw/yur ur yore yoar/ ],
   'ove\b'  => [ qw/oov ove uuv uv oove/ ],
   for      => [ qw/for 4 fr fur for foar/ ],
   thank    => [ qw/fank tank thx thnx/ ],
   good     => [ qw/gud goed guud gude gewd/ ],
   really   => [ qw/rly rily rilly rilley/ ],
   world    => [ qw/wurrld whirld wurld wrld/ ],
   q(i'?m\b)     => 'im',
   '(?!e)ight'   => 'ite',
   '(?!ues)tion' => 'shun',
   q(you'?re)    => [ qw/yore yr/ ],
   '\boh\b(?!.*hai)'  => [qw/o ohs/],
   'can\si\s(?:ple(?:a|e)(?:s|z)e?)?\s?have\sa' => 'i can has',
   '(?:hello|\bhi\b|\bhey\b|howdy|\byo\b),?'    => 'oh hai,',
   '(?:god|allah|buddah?|diety)'                => 'ceiling cat',
);

sub translate {
  my $phrase = lc shift;

  $phrase =~ s{
                                $_
                            }
                            {
                                ref $repl{ $_ } eq 'ARRAY'
                                    ? $repl{ $_ }->[ rand( $#{ $repl{ $_ } } + 1 ) ]
                                    : $repl{ $_ }
                            }gex
              for keys %repl;

  $phrase =~ s/\s{2,}/ /g;
  $phrase =~ s/teh teh/teh/g; # meh, it happens sometimes.
  if( int rand 10 == 2 ){ $phrase .= '.  kthxbye!' }
  if( int rand 10 == 1 ){ $phrase .= '.  kthx.' }
  $phrase =~ s/(\?|!|,|\.)\./$1/;
  return uc $phrase;
}

# LOLCAT->can('has') # Thanks BOBTFISH :)
sub has {}

# LOLCAT->can('haz') # why not?
sub haz {}

1;