Games::Messages - Random messages for common situations in games

  use Games::Messages qw/:all/;

  print player_wins($player);
  # prints something like "$player wins." or "Hurray for $player!"

  print player_loses($player);
  # prints something like "$player is gone with the wind."

  print computer_beats_computer();
  # prints something like "The winner: Computer!! The loser:
  # Computer!! Hurray...'

  print computer_beats_player($player);
  # prints something like 'Maybe you should leave the game to me and
  # go do something else.'

  print player_beats_computer($player);
  # prints something like "Next time my AI will be better, you'll see"

  print player_beats_player($winner, $loser);
  # prints something like '$winner wipes the floor with $loser.'

  print player_is_idle($player);
  # prints something like 'I hope you have a good reason for leaving
  # me here alone.'

  print player_exagerates($player);
  # prints something like 'Enough is enough, you know?'

  print player_wins($player_name);
  # that prints something like "$player_name wins."

  print player_loses($player_name);
  # that prints something like "No more $player_name."

  print computer_beats_computer();
  # that prints something like 'Oh yeah... I just love playing against
  # myself...'

  print computer_beats_player($player_name);
  # that prints something like "I tell you... artificial intelligence
  # rulez!"

  print player_beats_computer($player_name);
  # that prints something like "$player_name rulez."

  print player_beats_player($winner_name, $loser_name);
  # that prints something like "$winner_name beats the hell out of
  # $loser_name."

  print player_is_idle($player_name);
  # that prints something like 'Gone to the bathroom, uh?'

  print player_exagerates($player_name);
  # that prints something like "Don't you think it's about time you
  # turn me off?"

package Games::Messages;

use 5.006;
use strict;
use warnings;

require Exporter;

our @ISA = qw(Exporter);

our %EXPORT_TAGS = ( 'all' => [ qw(
	player_wins player_loses
	computer_beats_computer computer_beats_player
	player_beats_computer player_beats_player
	player_is_idle player_exagerates
) ] );

our @EXPORT_OK = ( @{ $EXPORT_TAGS{'all'} } );

our @EXPORT = qw(
);

our $VERSION = '0.05';

my %messages;

BEGIN {

  %messages = (

    # player_wins
    p_wins => [ ['PLAYER'],
      'And the winner is... <PLAYER>!',
      'Hurray for <PLAYER>!',
      '<PLAYER> amazingly wins.',
      '<PLAYER> really knows how to handle the game.',
      '<PLAYER> wins.',
    ],

    # player_loses
    p_lose => [ ['PLAYER'],
      'No more <PLAYER>.',
      '<PLAYER> is gone with the wind.',
      '<PLAYER> is no more.',
      '<PLAYER> loses.',
      '<PLAYER> sucks.',
    ],

    # computer beats computer
    c_b_c =>  [ [],
      'Computers playing against each other... talk about wars...',
      'Oh yeah... I just love playing against myself...',
      'The winner: Computer!! The loser: Computer!! Hurray...',
    ],

    # computer beats player
    c_b_p =>  [ ['PLAYER'],
      'How do I tell you this? <PLAYER>, you suck.',
      'I tell you... artificial intelligence rulez!',
      'Maybe you should leave the game to me and go do something else.',
      'Muahahahahahah!!',
      'Next time, learn how to play before messing with me.',
      'Oh yeah, baby...',
      ':-P',
      'Sucka...',
      'Wait a minute while I e-mail my cousin telling him about your defeat :-P',
    ],

    # player beats computer
    p_b_c =>  [ ['PLAYER'],
      'I dare you doing that again.',
      'Next time my AI will be better, you\'ll see.',
      'Yeah, yeah, so you won, big deal.',
      '<PLAYER> rulez.',
      ':-|',
    ],

    # player beats another player
    p_b_p =>  [ ['WINNER', 'LOSER'],
      '<LOSER> loses again.',
      '<LOSER> really sucks...',
      '<LOSER> should know better...',
      '<WINNER> beats the hell out of <LOSER>.',
      '<WINNER> beats the hell out of <LOSER>.',
      '<WINNER> kicks <LOSER>\'s ass.',
      '<WINNER> rulez...',
      '<WINNER> takes control.',
      '<WINNER> wins again.',
      '<WINNER> wipes the floor with <LOSER>.',
    ],

    # player is idle
    p_idle => [ ['PLAYER'],
      'Don\'t you like me anymore?',
      'Gone to the bathroom, uh?',
      'Hey, <PLAYER>! Yeah, you! Come back here!',
      'I hope you have a good reason for leaving me here alone.',
      'I wonder what you\'re doing...',
      'I wonder where you are...',
      'Oh no... It seems that I am all by myself...',
      'Oh no... It seems that I am alone...',
    ],

    # player exagerates
    p_exag => [ ['PLAYER'],
      'Don\'t you ever go away?',
      'Don\'t you have something better to do?',
      'Don\'t you think it\'s about time you turn me off?',
      'Enough is enough, you know?',
      'Ring... Ring... Hello? Yes, He\'s right here. It\'s for you, <PLAYER>; they say you have should go.',
      'Shouldn\'t you, like... go away?',
      'Why don\'t you go fishing instead?',
      'Why don\'t you go read a book instead?',
      'You know, I\'m getting sick of your face...',
      'You know there are other stuff you can do, right?',
    ],

  );
}

sub _random_message {
  # check the type of messages we want
  my $type = shift || return undef;
  # get a random message
  for (${$messages{$type}}[ 1 + int(rand(@{$messages{$type}} - 1)) ]) {
    # substitute where appropriate
    for my $name (@{${$messages{$type}}[0]}) {
      my $temp = shift || return undef;
      s/<$name>/$temp/g;
    }
    return $_;
  }
}

sub player_wins             { _random_message('p_wins',@_); }

sub player_loses            { _random_message('p_lose',@_); }

sub computer_beats_computer { _random_message('c_b_c' ,@_); }

sub computer_beats_player   { _random_message('c_b_p' ,@_); }

sub player_beats_computer   { _random_message('p_b_c' ,@_); }

sub player_beats_player     { _random_message('p_b_p' ,@_); }

sub player_is_idle          { _random_message('p_idle',@_); }

sub player_exagerates       { _random_message('p_exag',@_); }

1;
__END__